Lassance: Police used Mandrake to calculate protesters.

247 - The columnist of 247 And from Carta Maior, Antônio Lassance used irony to criticize the São Paulo Military Police's assessment of the number of protesters who demonstrated on Avenida Paulista on March 15th. 

According to Lassance, the police used the services of the magician Mandrake, a comic book character known for his illusionist techniques, instant hypnosis, and telepathy.

Read in full:

"São Paulo's Military Police hired a magician to calculate the number of opposition protesters."

By Antonio Lassance

Please forgive the delay. This news was supposed to be released on April 1st.

The information is that WikiLeaks discovered and leaked the service contract signed between the São Paulo Military Police and the famous magician Mandrake. All royalties for King Comics have already been paid.

Mandrake, who gained fame thanks to the comic strips created by Lee Falk and cartoonist Phil Davis, is known for his techniques of illusionism, instant hypnosis, and telepathy.

What wasn't known until now is that Mandrake also provides creative accounting services. For example, to transform any crowd of thousands of people into something like... 1 million. The Federal Accounting Council is investigating whether the magician has professional registration and is considering reporting him for illegally practicing the profession.

Mandrake was called upon to make his debut, in grand style, at the demonstration on March 15th, convened by groups that called for everything from Dilma's impeachment to a military coup, including "death to communists" and profanities that shouldn't be uttered without first removing the children from the room.

To calculate the number of opposition members on Paulista Avenue, the illusionist pulled out of his hat a device that many identified as an abacus, the precursor to calculators.

Mandrake then multiplied the 210 protesters by two – distinct individuals count as two – added those observing from building windows, those passing by on buses – those only count as one – 19 cyclists, a plumber, four provocateurs with PT flags, 25 day laborers on their way home, the three people in the Globo helicopter and, of course, the São Paulo Military Police officers, who also count, why not? To these 423 people, Mandrake added another 577 beads from his abacus to arrive at the perfect calculation of 1 million protesters.

The police even requested the luxurious assistance of Mandrake and his top hat to magically make large areas of Paulista Avenue disappear, areas that are closed off for construction, such as a bike path that runs the entire length of the avenue. In other words, a portion of the avenue's 136 square meters could once again be filled with marchers.

Madrake's contract is annual. Therefore, his services are guaranteed for calculating the impeachment demonstration scheduled for the 12th.

No matter how many people are actually there, the 1 million is already guaranteed, but the idea is to give a slightly higher number to keep people's spirits up.

When questioned about the revelation regarding the magician and his abacus, the police tried to explain themselves by saying that they used the estimate of a Paulista Avenue packed with five people per square meter.

The number is only surpassed in density by a "ménage à trois," which shows that the March 15th demonstration was indeed composed of very united people.

Even so, if we take that estimate of 5 people practically kissing and rubbing against each other democratically in the same square meter, and multiply it by the 136 square meters of the completely unobstructed avenue, the number would be at most 680 people.

Problem? Nothing Mandrake can't solve by April 12th, right?

The image above reveals the moment when Mandrake was procuring a more popular-profile protester on March 15th. A Datafolha survey showed that almost 70% of the March 15th protesters earned more than 5 minimum wages, with almost 20% having incomes well above 10 minimum wages.

(*) Antonio Lassance is a fan of comic books, but he has never read Mandrake. The author promises to seek out some copies at newsstands and learn more about the illusionist's methods in order to understand the São Paulo Military Police's estimates for the upcoming 12th."