Skin issue

On September 7, 2021, at the height of his coup-mongering, Jair Bolsonaro shouted from atop a sound truck: "I want to tell the scoundrels that I will never be arrested."

The preamble to the theatrical announcement demonstrated his utter arrogance and, furthermore, his insecurity about winning the following year's elections, that of 2022. 

"I will only leave here in handcuffs, dead, or victorious," the then-president stated, before uttering the "superhero" phrase. 

At the time, he questioned the elections and said that he could not "participate in a farce like this sponsored by the Superior Electoral Court (TSE)." He added that "only God" could remove him from power. 

He forgot to check how the campaign was going in heaven. God seems to be Lula.

So, history has moved on, and he will indeed be arrested, regardless of his well-known health manipulations. For someone who presents himself as a presidential "candidate," his fragile health doesn't help (nor does the ineligibility ruling).

Ever since he came to power, the "barnacles" on his skin, exposed to the sun in Mambucaba – Angra dos Reis – Costa Verde – RJ – were glaringly obvious in photos and videos, probably without sunscreen (because that's not something for a real man!).

She paraded through international salons – albeit in the corners, it's true – with all the bumps on her face, without caring about them. Her appeals to doctors, when necessary, were always about the so-called "after-effects" of that poorly explained episode. Open the abdomen here, open the abdomen there, remove mesh, put mesh back in, stitch, stretch, pull, and who are we, mere mortals, to argue about such procedures, right? 

Since the outbursts of 2021, when he made his cry of independence, oops, of Paulista Avenue, there have been many hospital visits and trips. Some, according to the medical reports themselves, were due to lack of manners, swallowing food whole, stuffing himself with shrimp, shell and all, literally. 

Since then, his story has been anything but heroic. He allowed himself to be victimized, photographed in tears, and confessed his fear of dying in prison. (If we were perverse, we should now say, as he did during the pandemic: "So what? We're not gravediggers!" And certainly not prison guards, by the way). 

The bravado of that September 2021 died in a TSE (Superior Electoral Court) process, which made him ineligible. He was ousted from the Planalto Palace, alive and kicking, by voters who preferred his opponent: Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva. The victory he sought at the polls, aboard R$ 800 billion of the budget – which, if it weren't for the transition amendment, wouldn't even have covered the palace's electricity bill, since he emptied the coffers – did not materialize. 

Bolsonaro left in a special presidential jet – in the final days of his term – carrying dollars, jewels, and his entourage, including his aide-de-camp, Mauro Cid, who today shares the same defendant's bench as him, but on opposite sides, because when push comes to shove, it's worth saving your own skin. 

While Cid tries to save his own skin, with his lawyers fiercely defending the validity of his plea bargain, Bolsonaro also wants to protect his own. 

The sores that never seemed to bother him before, now, in a scenario of inevitable imprisonment, can be used to postpone his exit. "I'll be right back," (after the conviction and a surgical procedure), he told Minister Alexandre de Moraes. "Now the concern is no longer about obstructed intestines. Now it's a matter of skin. I know."